Random Quotes

Best Funny Birthday Quotes

Best Funny Birthday Quotes

1. For all the advances in medicine, there is still no cure for the common birthday.-John Glenn


2. Life would be infinitely better if we could be born at the age of 80 and gradually approach 18.-Mark Twain


3. Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.-Rev. Larry Lorenzoni


4. My Birthday! What a difference sound That word had in my youthful ears; And how each time the day comes round, Less and less white its mark appears.-Thomas Moore


5. As you get older, three things happen.The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.-Norman Wisdom


6. Birthdays are a great time to stop and appreciate gravity. Sure, it makes things sag as you get older, but it also keeps your cake from flying all over the room so you don’t have to chase it.-Greg Tamblyn


7. You’re getting old when the only thing you want for your birthday is not to be reminded of it.-Felix Severn


8. Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it.-Golda Meir


9. Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you’ve got to start young.-Theodore Roosevelt


10. After 30, a body has a mind of its own.-Bette Midler


11. The Best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.-H. V. Prochnow


12. Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese.-Billie Burke


13. Growing old is like being increasingly penalized for a crime you have not committed.-Anthony Powell


14. Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself.-Tom Wilson


15. I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.-Phyllis Diller


16. A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday, but never remembers her age.-Robert Frost


17. When you turn thirty, a whole new thing happens: you see yourself acting like your parents.-Blair Sabol


18. We know we’re getting old when the only thing we want for our birthday is not to be reminded of it.-Anonymous


19. You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.-Bob Hope


20. The best birthdays of all are those that haven’t arrived yet.-Robert Orben


21. Birthdays are nature’s way of telling us to eat more cake.-Anonymous


22. When I was little I thought, isn’t it nice that everybody celebrates on my birthday? Because it’s July 4th.-Gloria Stuart


23. At the age of 20, we don’t care what the world thinks of us; at 30, we worry about what it is thinking of us; at 40, we discover that it wasn’t thinking of us at all.-John M Eades


24. The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left.-Jerry M. Wright


25. Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang, ‘Happy Birthday.’-Steven Wright


26. If you live to the age of a hundred, you have it made because very few people die past the age of a hundred.-George Burns


27. Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.-Kitty Collins


28. To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am.-Bernard Baruch


29. Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.-Jack Benny


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