1. “Ohio claims they are due a president as they haven’t had one since Taft. Look at the United States, they have not had one since Lincoln.” -Rogers Quotes
2. “This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.” -Rogers Quotes
3. “You never know how much a man can’t remember until he is called as a witness.” -Rogers Quotes
4. “The short memories of American voters is what keeps our politicians in office.” -Rogers Quotes
5. “I like to hear a man talk about himself because then I never hear anything, but good.” -Rogers Quotes
6. “So live that you would not mind selling your pet parrot to the town gossip” -Rogers Quotes
7. “Politicians can do more funny things naturally than I can think of to do purposely” -Rogers Quotes
8. “Everything is funny as long as it is happening to someone else” -Rogers Quotes
9. “I’m not a real movie star. I’ve still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago.” -Rogers Quotes
10. “If we ever pass out as a great nation we ought to put on our tombstone ‘America died from a delusion that she had moral leadership’.” -Rogers Quotes
11. “America is a nation that conceives many odd inventions for getting somewhere but can think of nothing to do when it gets there.” -Rogers Quotes
12. “America is a land of opportunity and don’t ever forget it.” -Rogers Quotes
13. “And the thing about my jokes is, they don’t hurt anybody. You can take ’em or leave ’em – you can say they’re funny or they’re terrible or they’re good, or whatever, but you can just pass ’em by. But with Congress, every time they make a joke, it’s a law! And every time they make a law, it’s a joke!” -Rogers Quotes
14. “A man that don’t love a horse, there is something the matter with him.” -Rogers Quotes
15. “Make crime pay. Become a lawyer.” -Rogers Quotes
16. “Civilization has taught us to eat with a fork, but even now if nobody is around we use our fingers.” -Rogers Quotes
17. “Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they don’t have for something they don’t need.” -Rogers Quotes
18. “Nothing makes a man broad-minded like adversity.” -Rogers Quotes
19. “The nation is prosperous on the whole, but how much prosperity is there in a hole?” -Rogers Quotes
20. “For every nation and every individual, the principal worry is debt.” -Rogers Quotes
21. “The greatest loss of time is delay and expectation.” -Rogers Quotes
22. “One of the evils of democracy is, you have to put up with the man you elect whether you want him or not.” -Rogers Quotes
23. “We don’t give our criminals much punishment, but we sure give ’em plenty of publicity.” -Rogers Quotes
24. “Don’t gamble; take all your savings and buy some good stock and hold it till it goes up, then sell it. If it don’t go up, don’t buy it.” -Rogers Quotes
25. “I guess truth can hurt you worse in an election than about anything that can happen to you.” -Rogers Quotes
26. “The health of nations is more important than the wealth of nations.” -Rogers Quotes
27. “If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in these acceptance speeches there wouldn’t be any inducement to go to heaven.” -Rogers Quotes
28. “Even when you make a tax form out on the level, you do not know when it is through if you are a crook or a martyr.” -Rogers Quotes
29. “The income tax has made liars out of more Americans than golf. Even when you make a tax form out on the level, you don’t know when it’s through if you are a crook or a martyr.” -Rogers Quotes
30. “I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf. I have never been depressed enough to take up the game, but they say you get so sore at yourself you forget to hate your enemies.” -Rogers Quotes
31. “It’s great to be great, but it’s greater to be human.” -Rogers Quotes
32. “Things will get better — despite our efforts to improve them.” -Rogers Quotes
33. “There is no income tax in Russia. But there’s no income.” -Rogers Quotes
34. “If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging.” -Rogers Quotes
35. “The main thing about being a hero is to know when to die.” -Rogers Quotes
36. “The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has. Even when you make a tax form out on the level, you don’t know when it’s through if you are a crook or a martyr.” -Rogers Quotes
37. “You must judge a man’s greatness by how much he will be missed.” -Rogers Quotes
38. “Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate, now what’s going to happen to us with both a House and a Senate?” -Rogers Quotes
39. “If I studied all my life, I couldn’t think up half the number of funny things passed in one session of congress.” -Rogers Quotes -Rogers Quotes
40. “Everything is funny, as long as it’s happening to somebody else.” -Rogers Quotes