Why do we end up hurting ourselves?
Imagine you’re driving, and someone suddenly cuts you off. Your immediate reaction is anger; you slam on the brakes, grip the wheel tightly, and feel the adrenaline surge.
For those next few moments, it’s all you can think about. But after the car speeds off, what’s left? Maybe a racing heart, tense muscles, and an afternoon spent replaying the scene, even though the other driver is long gone.
In this moment, Alexander Pope’s words ring true: “To be angry is to revenge the faults of others on ourselves.” But why do we let that anger stick with us? Let’s dive into the story behind this insight.
The Inner Cost Of Anger
Anger, Pope suggests, isn’t just a reaction to what someone else does; it’s a burden we take on ourselves.
When we get angry, especially over small things we can’t control, we create a sort of internal punishment.
We allow the actions of others—their mistakes or even intentional provocations—to seep into our minds, altering how we feel long after the moment has passed.
Take, for example, when a friend cancels plans last-minute. The disappointment and frustration might build into anger, consuming our thoughts.
But who does that hurt most? Often, the friend has moved on, while we’re left stewing in the negativity.
Pope’s wisdom here suggests that anger doesn’t hurt the one who caused it; it hurts us, the ones holding onto it.
The Decision-Making Trap of Anger
One of anger’s most insidious effects is on our judgment. When anger grips us, it narrows our focus and skews our decisions.
We start to focus only on what’s in front of us, often losing sight of the bigger picture.
Think of the times when anger made a decision for you. Maybe you sent an email you later regretted, or said words in a heated moment that strained a relationship.
Anger narrows our view, pushing us to focus on an immediate emotional response rather than considering the broader impact.
In fact, studies have shown that anger often leads us to take unnecessary risks, act impulsively, and even believe we have more control over a situation than we really do.
How Anger Warps Our Perception
Anger doesn’t just impact our actions; it changes how we see things. In moments of anger, we often believe others are more at fault than they really are, while absolving ourselves.
This is the “blame game” of anger—it tricks us into thinking we’re entirely right and justified, while others are entirely wrong. But when the dust settles, we might realize that anger distorted our perception.
Imagine a conflict at work. In the heat of it, we might think our colleague is entirely to blame for a mistake.
But looking back calmly, it becomes clearer that it wasn’t as simple as we thought.
Anger often makes us overconfident, which can lead to poor decisions and, ultimately, regrets.
Choosing Calm Over Anger
Pope’s insight is a reminder that the real strength lies in letting go of anger. When we’re able to manage our emotions, we reclaim control over our minds and actions. Instead of reacting impulsively, we’re able to think clearly, make thoughtful choices, and handle situations in a way that supports our well-being.
So next time anger rises, remember the wisdom of viewing it as a choice. Holding onto it means choosing to hurt ourselves over someone else’s actions.
Releasing it, on the other hand, means choosing peace, clarity, and, most importantly, self-kindness.
To be angry is to revenge the faults of others on ourselves. — Alexander Pope