New Quotes

30 Funny Quotes On Life

30 Funny Quotes On Life

1. If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.-Steven Wright

 

2. The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not.-Mark Twain

 

3. Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.-Elbert Hubbard

 

.4. That is the best-to laugh with someone because you think the same things are funny.-Gloria Vanderbilt

 

5. Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian.-Dennis Wholey

 

6. Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you’re done.-Anonymous

 

7. Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.-Peter Ustinov

 

8. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.-Sam Levenson

 

9. If you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.-Henny Youngman

 

10. When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.-Cathy Guisewite

 

11. Why do they call it “rush hour” when nothing moves?-Robin Williams

 

12. The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.-Al McGuire

 

13. Weather forecast for tonight: dark.-George Carlin

 

14. Everything is funny, as long as it’s happening to somebody else.-Will Rogers

 

15. Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.-Anthony Burgess

 

16. From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere.-Dr. Seuss

 

17. Men cannot live by bread alone; he must have peanut butter.-James A. Garfield

 

18. Everything is changing. People are taking the comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.-Will Rogers

 

19. Thinking is one thing no one has ever been able to tax.-Charles Kettering

 

20. The best ideas come as jokes. Make your thinking as funny as possible.-David Ogilvy

 

21. Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.-Ellen DeGeneres

 

22. As you get older three thing happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.-Norman Wisdom

 

23. Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight-Phyllis Diller

 

24. Never trust people who smile constantly. They’re either selling something or not very bright.-Laurell K. Hamilton

 

25. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.-Alan Dundles

 

26. A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.-Steve Martin

 

27. Never miss a good chance to shut up.-Will Rogers

 

28. Never trust people who smile constantly. They’re either selling something or not very bright.-Laurell K. Hamilton

 

29. Puns are the highest form of literature.-Alfred Hitchcock

 

30. Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away.-Paul Terry

 

Related posts

Tough Life Quotes

quotes

Best Hometown Quotes

quotes

Gut Feeling Quotes

quotes