Random Quotes

30 Funny Quotes On Life

30 Funny Quotes On Life

1. If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.-Steven Wright


2. The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not.-Mark Twain


3. Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.-Elbert Hubbard


.4. That is the best-to laugh with someone because you think the same things are funny.-Gloria Vanderbilt


5. Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian.-Dennis Wholey


6. Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you’re done.-Anonymous


7. Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.-Peter Ustinov


8. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.-Sam Levenson


9. If you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.-Henny Youngman


10. When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.-Cathy Guisewite


11. Why do they call it “rush hour” when nothing moves?-Robin Williams


12. The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.-Al McGuire


13. Weather forecast for tonight: dark.-George Carlin


14. Everything is funny, as long as it’s happening to somebody else.-Will Rogers


15. Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.-Anthony Burgess


16. From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere.-Dr. Seuss


17. Men cannot live by bread alone; he must have peanut butter.-James A. Garfield


18. Everything is changing. People are taking the comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.-Will Rogers


19. Thinking is one thing no one has ever been able to tax.-Charles Kettering


20. The best ideas come as jokes. Make your thinking as funny as possible.-David Ogilvy


21. Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.-Ellen DeGeneres


22. As you get older three thing happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.-Norman Wisdom


23. Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight-Phyllis Diller


24. Never trust people who smile constantly. They’re either selling something or not very bright.-Laurell K. Hamilton


25. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.-Alan Dundles


26. A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.-Steve Martin


27. Never miss a good chance to shut up.-Will Rogers


28. Never trust people who smile constantly. They’re either selling something or not very bright.-Laurell K. Hamilton


29. Puns are the highest form of literature.-Alfred Hitchcock


30. Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away.-Paul Terry


Related posts

Amazing Quotes On Camp


Enjoy Our Collection Of Quotes On Being Classy


Top 30 Inspirational Sports Quotes


Inspirational Running Quotes


Intense Life Quotes


Inspiring Quotes On Dream Big


Enjoy Our Beauty Of The Earth Quotes Collection


Letting Go Of Anger Quotes


Inspiring Quotes To Start A New Day