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30 Funny Quotes On Life

30 Funny Quotes On Life

1. If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.-Steven Wright


2. The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not.-Mark Twain


3. Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.-Elbert Hubbard


.4. That is the best-to laugh with someone because you think the same things are funny.-Gloria Vanderbilt


5. Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian.-Dennis Wholey


6. Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you’re done.-Anonymous


7. Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.-Peter Ustinov


8. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.-Sam Levenson


9. If you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.-Henny Youngman


10. When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.-Cathy Guisewite


11. Why do they call it “rush hour” when nothing moves?-Robin Williams


12. The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.-Al McGuire


13. Weather forecast for tonight: dark.-George Carlin


14. Everything is funny, as long as it’s happening to somebody else.-Will Rogers


15. Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.-Anthony Burgess


16. From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere.-Dr. Seuss


17. Men cannot live by bread alone; he must have peanut butter.-James A. Garfield


18. Everything is changing. People are taking the comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.-Will Rogers


19. Thinking is one thing no one has ever been able to tax.-Charles Kettering


20. The best ideas come as jokes. Make your thinking as funny as possible.-David Ogilvy


21. Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.-Ellen DeGeneres


22. As you get older three thing happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.-Norman Wisdom


23. Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight-Phyllis Diller


24. Never trust people who smile constantly. They’re either selling something or not very bright.-Laurell K. Hamilton


25. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.-Alan Dundles


26. A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.-Steve Martin


27. Never miss a good chance to shut up.-Will Rogers


28. Never trust people who smile constantly. They’re either selling something or not very bright.-Laurell K. Hamilton


29. Puns are the highest form of literature.-Alfred Hitchcock


30. Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away.-Paul Terry


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