1. A good husband makes a good wife.-John Florio
2. The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.-Voltaire
3. The best way to get husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they are too old to do it.-Shirley MacLaine
4. The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.-Groucho Marx
5. To catch a husband is an art; to hold him is a job.-Simone De Beauvoir
6. Husbands are like fires – they go out when they’re left unattended.-Cher
7. A good husband is never the first to go to sleep at night or the last to awake in the morning.-Honoré de Balzac
8. A husband is what is left of a lover, after the nerve has been extracted.-Helen Rowland
9. A husband is a guy who tells you when you’ve got on too much lipstick and helps you with your girdle when your hips stick.-Ogden Nash
10. The husbands of very beautiful women belong to the criminal classes.-Oscar Wilde
11. Being a husband is a whole-time job. That is why so many husbands fail. They cannot give their entire attention to it.-Arnold Bennett
12. The divine right of husbands, like the divine right of kings, may, it is hoped, in this enlightened age, be contested without danger.-Mary Wollstonecraft
13. Being a good husband is like being a good stand-up comic – you need ten years before you can even call yourself a beginner.-Jerry Seinfeld
14. One good husband is worth two good wives, for the scarcer things are, the more they are valued.-Benjamin Franklin
15. A husband is very much like a house or a horse.-Anthony Trollope
16. The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutan trying to play the violin.-Honoré de Balzac
17. Being a husband is for me as big a priority as being a father.-Roger Federer
18. The ideal husband understands every word his wife doesn’t say.-Alfred Hitchcock
19. The way to hold a husband is to keep him a little jealous; the way to lose him is to keep him a little more jealous.-Henry Louis Mencken
20. Husbands are chiefly good as lovers when they are betraying their wives.-Marilyn Monroe
21. If your husband is cheating on you, it doesn’t mean that you need to get prettier — it means he’s a scumbag.-Jessica Valenti
22. Handsome husbands often make a wife’s heart ache.-Samuel Richardson
23. All husbands are alike, but they have different faces so you can tell them apart.-Ogden Nash
24. A retired husband is often a wife’s full-time job.-Ella Harris
25. Your husband is lazy if coffee doesn’t keep him awake – even when it’s hot and being spilled on him.-Phyllis Diller
26. Husbands, love your wives well! Your children are noticing how you treat her. You are teaching your sons how they should treat women, and you are teaching your daughters what they should expect from men.-Dave Willis
27. A key to keeping your husband is getting him to miss you. That keeps a marriage fresh.-Tori Amos
28. The husband – by primitive instinct partly, certainly by ancient tradition – regards himself as the active partner in matters of love and his own pleasure as legitimately the prime motive for activity.-Havelock Ellis
29. It turns out that a husband who does the laundry, it’s very romantic when you’re older. And it’s hard to believe when you’re younger. But it’s absolutely true.-Sheryl Sandberg