Random Quotes

Funny Marriage Quotes

Funny Marriage Quotes
1. Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings … and lawyers.-Richard Pryor


2. Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.-Will Ferrell


3. Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is the bicycle repair kit.-Billy Connolly


4. Marriage is like a phone call in the night: first the ring, and then you wake up.-Evelyn Hendrickson


5. Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not.-Albert Einstein


6. A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.-Michel de Montaigne


7. My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.-Rodney Dangerfield


8. All marriages are happy. It’s the living together afterward that causes all the trouble.-Raymond Hull


9. Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.-Benjamin Franklin


10. There is nothing in the world like the devotion of a married woman. It is a thing no married man knows anything about.-Oscar Wilde


11. Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won’t even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.-Helen Rowland


12. I’m going to get married again because I’m more mature now, and I need some kitchen stuff.-Wendy Liebman


13. Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted the whole day.-Mickey Rooney


14. Marriage is like a game of chess, except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.-Jerry Seinfeld


15. By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.-Socrates


16. In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.-Woody Allen


17. My wife and I tried to breakfast together, but we had to stop or our marriage would have been wrecked.-Winston Churchill


18. They say love is blind…and marriage is an institution. Well, I’m not ready for an institution for the blind just yet.-Mae West


19. My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, a little wine, good food. She goes on tuesdays, I go Fridays.-Henry Youngman


20. Marriage: A legal or religious ceremony by which two persons of the opposite sex solemnly agree to harass and spy on each other for ninety-nine years, or until death do them join.-Elbert Hubbard


21. The only mistake for which people are congratulated is marriage.-Ratna Deep


22. When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that’s a few steps ahead is the one that’s mad.-Helen Rowland


23. Love is one long sweet dream and marriage is the alarm clock!-Zeenat Essa


24. Marriage is an adventure, like going to war.-G. K. Chesterton


25. More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.-Doug Larson


26. Marriage is when a man looses his bachelors degree and woman gets her masters degree.-Rama Kochhar


27. To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the loving cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.-Ogden Nash


28. Before I got married I had six theories about raising children; now, I have six children and no theories.-John Wilmot


29. Marriage is like a deck of cards. All you need in the beginning is two hearts and a diamond. After 10 years you need a club and spade.-Carrie


30. The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.-Groucho Marx

Related posts

Fitness Motivational Quotes


30 Donald Trump Quotes As US President


Discover Our Collection On Level Quotes


Best Funny Birthday Quotes


Difficult Relationship Quotes


Tough Life Quotes


Top 30 Cold War Quotes


25 Camping Quotes


30 Inspirational Greatness Quotes