Random Quotes

Funny Dad Quotes That Makes You Laugh

Funny Dad Quotes That Makes You Laugh

1. I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.-Rodney Dangerfield


2. You can tell what was the best year of your father’s life, because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out.-Jerry Seinfeld


3. Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap on a rope.-Bill Cosby


4. To be a successful father, there’s one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don’t look at it for the first two years.-Ernest Hemingway


5. There should be a children’s song, if you’re happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep.-Jim Gaffigan


6. My daughter got me a World’s Best Dad mug. So we know she’s sarcastic.-Bob Odenkirk


7. Men should always change diapers. It’s a very rewarding experience. It’s mentally cleansing. It’s like washing dishes, but imagine if the dishes were your kids, so you really love the dishes.-Chris Martin


8. Remember: What dad really wants is a nap. Really.-Dave Barry


9. Lately all my friends are worried that they’re turning into their fathers. I’m worried that I’m not.-Dan Zevin


10. My wife just let me know I’m about to become a father for the first time. The bad news is that we already have two kids.-Brian Kiley


11.My father only hit me once, but he used a Volvo.-Bob Monkhouse


12. My sisters and I can still recite Dad’s grilling rules: Rule No. 1: Dad is in charge. Rule No. 2: Repeat Rule No. 1.-Connie Schultz


13. I gave my father $100 and said, Buy yourself something that will make your life easier. So he went out and bought a present for my mother.-Rita Rudner


14. I’ve been to war. I’ve raised twins. If I had a choice, I’d rather go to war.-George W. Bush


15. I know that if my mom fell and screamed for help, my dad would jump right up to rescue her as soon as it was halftime.-Bruce Cameron


16. My dad used to say, always fight fire with fire, which is probably why he got thrown out of the the fire brigade.-Harry Hill


17. I asked my dad for a BB gun, but he said we were a tribe of worriers, not warriors.-Hilary Price


18. Fathers are biological necessities, but social accidents.-Margaret Mead


19. I love my dad, because even though he has Alzheimer’s, he remembers the important things. He can’t remember my name, but last week he told me exactly how much money I owe him.-Thyra Lees-Smith


20. My father had a profound influence on me, he was a lunatic.-Spike Milligan


21. When you’re young, you think your dad is Superman. Then you grow up, and you realize he’s just a regular guy who wears a cape.-Dave Attell


22. My father makes money the American way. He trips over stuff and sues people.-Dominic Dierkes


23. My father refused to spend money on me as a kid. One time I broke my arm playing football, and my father tried to get a free x-ray by taking me down to the airport and making me lie down with the luggage.-Glenn Super


24. Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.-Martin Mull


25. Dad taught me everything I know. Unfortunately, he didn’t teach me everything he knows.-Al Unser


26. Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.-Jon Stewart


27. If you ever want to torture my dad, tie him up and right in front of him, refold a map incorrectly.-Cathy Ladman


28. I’m so ugly. My father carries around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet.-Rodney Dangerfield


29. Whenever I fail as a father or husband, a toy and a diamond always works.-Shahrukh Khan


30. Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.-Jack Handey



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