1. Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished If you’re alive it isn’t. -Richard Bach
2. People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day. -A.A. Milne
3. If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito. -Betty Reese
4. To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone. -Reba McEntire
5. Silent gratitude isn’t much use to anyone. -Gladys Berthe Stern
6. You grow up the day you have your first real laugh at yourself. -Ethel Barrymore
7. My theory is that if you look confident you can pull off anything even if you have no clue what you’re doing. -Jessica Alba
8. A smile is an inexpensive way to change your looks. -Charles Gordy
9. Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia. -Charles Schulz
10. Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone. -Anthony Burgess
11. Change is not a four letter word… but often your reaction to it is! -Jeffrey Gitomer
12. A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. -Steve Martin
13. If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done? -George Carlin
14. You can’t wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club. -Jack London
15. If you’re going to be thinking, you may as well think big. -Donald Trump
16. People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day. -A.A. Milne
17. Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there. -Will Rogers
18. Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow. -Mark Twain
19. Try to be like the turtle – at ease in your own shell. -Bill Copeland
20. Life is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it. -Tom Lehrer
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21. No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar. -Abraham Lincoln
22. Electricity is really just organized lightning. -George Carlin
23. The chief function of the body is to carry the brain around. -Thomas A. Edison
24. Food is an important part of a balanced diet. -Fran Lebowitz
25. So, where’s the Cannes Film Festival being held this year? -Christina Aguilera
26. If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you. -Steven Wright
27. All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure. -Mark Twain
28. Luck is what you have left over after you give 100 percent. -Langston Coleman
29. It is not the answer that enlightens, but the question. -Eugene Ionesco Decouvertes
30. Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget tossing in the lifeboats. -Voltaire
31. Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt. –
32. Trouble knocked at the door, but, hearing laughter, hurried away. –
33. As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it. –
34. But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright Brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown. –
35. My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine. –Caroline Rhea
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36. If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito. –
37. Biologically speaking, if something bites you it’s more likely to be female. –
38. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments. –
39. You’re only as good as your last haircut. –
40. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. –
41. To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone. -Reba McEntire
42. I figured something out. The future is unpredictable. -John Green
43. Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds. -Albert Einstein
44. The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept. -George Carlin
45. Wisdom comes from experience. Experience is often a result of lack of wisdom. -Terry Pratchett
46. Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever you were gonna do anyway. -Robert Downey Jr.
47. I am blessed with a funny gene that makes me enjoy life. -Karan Patel
48. Hating people is like burning down your own home to get rid of a rat. -Harry Emerson Fosdick
49. I have to be successful because I like expensive things. -Lisa Lieberman-Wang
50. Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. -Mark Twain
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51. It’s okay to look at the past and the future. Just don’t stare. -Lisa Lieberman-Wang
51. You must pay for your sins. If you have already paid, please ignore this notice. -Sam Levenson
52. My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. -Mitch Hedberg
53. A mind is like a parachute. It doesn’t work if it is not open. -Frank Zappa
54. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? -George Carli
55. Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. -Thomas Eddison
56. You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred. -Woody Allen
57. Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger. -Franklin P. Jones
58. You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t possibly live long enough to make them all yourself. -Sam Levenson
59. Even a stopped clock is right twice every day. After some years, it can boast of a long series of successes. -Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach
60. I have a simple philosophy: Fill what is empty. Empty what is full. Scratch where it itches. -Alice Roosevelt Longworth
61. If you’re going to be able to look back on something and laugh about it, you might as well laugh about it now. -Marie Osmond
62. People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing; that’s why we recommend it daily. -Zig Ziglar
63. Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor. -Truman Capote
64. Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right. -Isaac Asimov
65. Life is like a sewer – what you get out of it depends on what you put into it. -Tom Lehrer
66. Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow. -Mark Twain
67. A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure. -Unknown
68. You can’t wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club. -Jack London
69. You grow up the day you have your first real laugh – at yourself. -Ethel Barrymore
70. Too much of a good thing can be wonderful. -Mae West
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71. I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong. -Benjamin Franklin
72. People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day. -A.A. Milne
73. My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already. -Dave Barry
74. When you do not know what you are doing and what you are doing is the best – that is inspiration. -Robert Bresson
75. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back. -Oscar Wilde
76. The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits. -Albert Einstein
77. If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito. -Betty Reese
78. Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings. -Robert Bloch
79. I cannot afford to waste my time making money. -Louis Agassiz
80. The key to success is not through achievement but through enthusiasm. -Malcolm Forbes
81. It takes less time to do things right than to explain why you did it wrong. -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
82. The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for. -Maureen Dowd
83. Age is of no importance unless you’re a cheese. -Billie Burke
84. The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up. -Mark Twain
85. We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing. -George Bernard Shaw
86. The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get into the office. -Robert Frost
87. The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time. -Joe Girard
88. When I hear somebody sigh, Life is hard, I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?’ -Sydney Harris
89. Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget tossing in the lifeboats. -Voltaire
90. It is not the answer that enlightens, but the question. -Eugene Ionesco Decouvertes
91. Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia. -Charles Schulz
92. Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door. -Kyle Chandler
93. Luck is what you have left over after you give 100 percent. -Langston Coleman
94. It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn’t give it up because by then I was too famous. -Robert Benchley
95. There never was a child so lovely but his mother was glad to get him asleep. -Ralph Waldo Emerson
96. If you don’t know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else. -Yogi Berra
97. All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure. -Mark Twain
98. I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go in the other room and read a book. -Groucho Marx
99. If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you. -Steven Wright
100. I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. -Lily Tomlin
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