Inspirational Quotes

100 Funny Inspirational Quotes

Funny Inspirational Quotes

1. Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished If you’re alive it isn’t. -Richard Bach

 

2. People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day. -A.A. Milne

 A.A. Milne

3. If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito. -Betty Reese

 

4. To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone. -Reba McEntire

 

5. Silent gratitude isn’t much use to anyone. -Gladys Berthe Stern

 

6. You grow up the day you have your first real laugh at yourself. -Ethel Barrymore

Ethel Barrymore

7. My theory is that if you look confident you can pull off anything even if you have no clue what you’re doing. -Jessica Alba

 

8. A smile is an inexpensive way to change your looks. -Charles Gordy

 

9. Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia. -Charles Schulz

 

10. Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone. -Anthony Burgess

 

11. Change is not a four letter word… but often your reaction to it is! -Jeffrey Gitomer

Jeffrey Gitomer

12. A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. -Steve Martin

 

13. If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done? -George Carlin

 

14. You can’t wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club. -Jack London

 

15. If you’re going to be thinking, you may as well think big. -Donald Trump

 

16. People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day. -A.A. Milne

 

17. Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there. -Will Rogers

 Will Rogers

18. Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow. -Mark Twain

 

19. Try to be like the turtle – at ease in your own shell. -Bill Copeland

 

20. Life is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it. -Tom Lehrer

 

Explore our collection on four word short inspirational quotes

 

21. No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar. -Abraham Lincoln

 

22.  Electricity is really just organized lightning. -George Carlin

George Carlin

23. The chief function of the body is to carry the brain around. -Thomas A. Edison

 

24. Food is an important part of a balanced diet. -Fran Lebowitz

 

25. So, where’s the Cannes Film Festival being held this year? -Christina Aguilera

 

26. If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you. -Steven Wright

Steven Wright

27. All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure. -Mark Twain

 

28. Luck is what you have left over after you give 100 percent. -Langston Coleman

 

29. It is not the answer that enlightens, but the question. -Eugene Ionesco Decouvertes

 

30. Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget tossing in the lifeboats. -Voltaire

Voltaire

 

31. Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt. –Abraham Lincoln

 

32. Trouble knocked at the door, but, hearing laughter, hurried away. –Benjamin Franklin

 

33. As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it. –Buddy Hackett

 

34. But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright Brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown. –Carl Sagan

 

35. My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine. –Caroline RheaCaroline Rhea

You may like to read fire quotes to inspire you 

 

36. If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito. –Dalai Lama

 

37. Biologically speaking, if something bites you it’s more likely to be female. –Desmond Morris

 

38. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments. –Earl Wilson

 

39. You’re only as good as your last haircut. –Fran Lebowitz

 

40. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. –George Burns

George Burns

41. To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone. -Reba McEntire

 

42. I figured something out. The future is unpredictable. -John Green

 

43. Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds. -Albert Einstein

 

44. The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept. -George Carlin

 

45. Wisdom comes from experience. Experience is often a result of lack of wisdom. -Terry Pratchett

 

46. Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever you were gonna do anyway. -Robert Downey Jr.

 

47. I am blessed with a funny gene that makes me enjoy life. -Karan Patel

 

48. Hating people is like burning down your own home to get rid of a rat. -Harry Emerson Fosdick

 

49. I have to be successful because I like expensive things. -Lisa Lieberman-Wang

 

50. Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. -Mark Twain

 

Explore our collection of inspirational quotes to inspire you

 

51. It’s okay to look at the past and the future. Just don’t stare. -Lisa Lieberman-Wang

 

51. You must pay for your sins. If you have already paid, please ignore this notice. -Sam Levenson

 

52. My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. -Mitch Hedberg

 

53. A mind is like a parachute. It doesn’t work if it is not open. -Frank Zappa

 

54. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? -George Carli

 

55. Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. -Thomas Eddison

 

56. You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred. -Woody Allen

 

57. Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger. -Franklin P. Jones

 

58. You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t possibly live long enough to make them all yourself. -Sam Levenson

 

59. Even a stopped clock is right twice every day. After some years, it can boast of a long series of successes. -Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach

 

60. I have a simple philosophy: Fill what is empty. Empty what is full. Scratch where it itches. -Alice Roosevelt Longworth

 

61. If you’re going to be able to look back on something and laugh about it, you might as well laugh about it now. -Marie Osmond

 

62. People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing; that’s why we recommend it daily. -Zig Ziglar

 

63. Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor. -Truman Capote

 

64. Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right. -Isaac Asimov

 

65. Life is like a sewer – what you get out of it depends on what you put into it. -Tom Lehrer

 

66. Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow. -Mark Twain

 

67. A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure. -Unknown

 

68. You can’t wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club. -Jack London

 

69. You grow up the day you have your first real laugh – at yourself. -Ethel Barrymore

 

70. Too much of a good thing can be wonderful. -Mae West

 

You may like to read inspirational quotes for men

 

71. I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong. -Benjamin Franklin

 

72. People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day. -A.A. Milne

 

73. My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already. -Dave Barry

 

74. When you do not know what you are doing and what you are doing is the best – that is inspiration. -Robert Bresson

 

75. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back. -Oscar Wilde

 

76. The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits. -Albert Einstein

 

77. If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito. -Betty Reese

 

78. Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings. -Robert Bloch

 

79. I cannot afford to waste my time making money. -Louis Agassiz

 

80. The key to success is not through achievement but through enthusiasm. -Malcolm Forbes

 

81. It takes less time to do things right than to explain why you did it wrong. -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

 

82. The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for. -Maureen Dowd

 

83. Age is of no importance unless you’re a cheese. -Billie Burke

 

84. The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up. -Mark Twain

 

85. We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing. -George Bernard Shaw

 

86. The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get into the office. -Robert Frost

 

87. The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time. -Joe Girard

 

88. When I hear somebody sigh, Life is hard, I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?’ -Sydney Harris

 

89. Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget tossing in the lifeboats. -Voltaire

 

90. It is not the answer that enlightens, but the question. -Eugene Ionesco Decouvertes

 

91. Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia. -Charles Schulz

 

92. Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door. -Kyle Chandler

 

93. Luck is what you have left over after you give 100 percent. -Langston Coleman

 

94. It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn’t give it up because by then I was too famous. -Robert Benchley

 

95. There never was a child so lovely but his mother was glad to get him asleep. -Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

96. If you don’t know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else. -Yogi Berra

 

97. All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure. -Mark Twain

 

98. I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go in the other room and read a book. -Groucho Marx

 

99. If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you. -Steven Wright

 

100. I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. -Lily Tomlin

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