Dr Nathaniel Branden, a psychologist and writer who is well-known for his research on self-esteem psychology, championed the 6 pillars.
Branden defined self-esteem as a psychological need of the human being that can lead to anxiety, depression, stress, and other mental and emotional problems. until it is satisfied or met. He believed 6 practices were necessary for nurturing and maintaining healthy self-esteem. Brandon’s theory is used as a basis for this post. We will explore the practices, their relationship to us, and how we can make the most of our knowledge to thrive in today’s world.
Six Pillars Of Self Esteem
1. The Practice Of Conscious Living
This is the practice of being present in our actions and in theirs. It is about an appreciation of what is going on in the world, and the willingness and ability to understand and grow within that world.
Are you constantly seeking out information that will help your achieve your goals? Do you seek feedback constantly or are you resigned to the idea of being rejected or lacking motivation?
Conscious living means we must respect reality and facts. Although it is fine to dream, we greatly reduce our chances of achieving those dreams by not incorporating reality into our lives. It doesn’t mean your dreams should be boring or abstract. The world would be far less if people didn’t dare dream outside of what is normal. It’s all about using facts to prove your dreams and realizing that they are possible.
Living consciously is more than simply about the outside world. Understanding yourself and the importance of self-awareness is key. You must first understand yourself and then adjust your approach to achieve success in a way that suits your preferences and strengths. You may also be able to adapt your approach to others depending on their preferences. This will help you get better results and build a stronger relationship.
You should always seek feedback if you are interested in improving your self-awareness. Be open to receiving feedback from both professional and personal sources. While some feedback may be more trustworthy than others, you will eventually learn to distinguish the real and helpful from the fake and dishonest. You shouldn’t ignore what you don’t expect.
You should also take the time to reflect on yourself and give yourself a good critique. What was your week like? What could you do better? Which situations could you have gotten more from?
You can supplement the external and internal feedback by personality profiling, personal development and communication theory. There are many useful tools and resources available to help you. Some of the most popular include:
- Predictive Index
- Neurolinguistic programming (NLP).
- DISC assessment
2. Practice Of Self-Acceptance
Are you capable of taking responsibility for your thoughts, actions and feelings? Do you have the ability to accept responsibility and take accountability for your thoughts, feelings, actions? How about acknowledging pleasure and recognition? Do you ever feel guilty or unworthy of it?
This second pillar focuses on the importance of self-acceptance for maintaining healthy self-esteem. Learn to accept your thoughts, feelings, and emotions and take the appropriate action given the circumstances.
If you are able to show empathy and reflect on the feelings or thoughts of the moment, it’s okay to make mistakes or disappoint others. One example of this is when someone falls out of love. How often have you seen them avoid telling their partner because they fear the consequences? To protect their partner or avoid emotional conflict, they may choose to stay in the relationship or live in denial. How does this affect their self-esteem? This will not be a good situation every time.
Although it can be difficult to accept or acknowledge how we feel and think, we should remember that our feelings and thoughts are normal. It’s possible to let go of thoughts and actions that are unnecessary destructive to others and ourselves. This allows us to be free from guilt, shame, or any other restrictions.
3. Practice Of Self-Responsobility
You control your choices and your actions. Your success in achieving your goals and aspirations depends on you.
We will see it many times throughout our lives that people defer blame and responsibility to others. This can often lead to negative and wasted energy.
How many times have your parents, siblings, or colleagues been blamed for something you did? How about your career? Do you feel like your employer is holding back your progress? While there may be times when you feel frustrated or aggrieved by the actions of others it is okay to do so. But remember, only YOU are responsible for your life.
Walt Disney was fired once for not having imagination. See what happened when he took full responsibility. J.K Rowling was living on welfare before she wrote Harry Potter. Michael Jordan was also cut from his high-school basketball team after he was told he was not good enough. These are examples of resilience and persistence, but they also demonstrate what you can do when you take control of your life and decide to make your own decisions.
To make our lives meaningful and to support our journey, we will undoubtedly need the help of others. However, we must remember that we must also offer value in return for this cooperation. It is rare that you are born with the right to success or the respect and help of others. You must earn it.
4. The Practice Of Self-Assertiveness
This pillar is about being authentic. To be able to stand up for your ideas, values and self-regard in a given situation. This pillar is about authenticity in your interactions with other people and internally. Do you remember a time when you lied, exaggerated, or misrepresented who you really are in social situations. It’s possible, though not likely, to be the only one. But can you recall how it felt? It may have brought you short-term pleasure, but how did it make you feel deep down about yourself?
It is hard to deny the fact that happiness is greater when we are our true selves. True fulfillment is only possible when you are true to yourself. Accept rejection or short-term disappointment if that is what you have to do. If you keep your eyes open and persevere, you will see better things when it is time. Sometimes, life’s realities and challenges can make it tempting to lose sight of our core values. To be able to get through life without succumbing to the easy option, even though it’s not the right choice for you, it takes self-esteem.
Self-assertive does not mean that we should stop learning and growing throughout our lives. Never tell yourself you can’t change a negative trait. It’s part of who you are. Blaming your ‘authentic self for missed opportunities to grow or improve is counterproductive. It shows a misunderstood of the concept and of being yourself. You should strive to be the best version possible of yourself, not be in a negative place.
5. The Practice Of Living Purposefully
When their short-term goals are aligned with their long-term goals, people are more productive and motivated. This makes perfect sense, doesn’t? We are more likely to work hard and passionately when our overall plan is in place. If it aligns with our vision for why we exist, then we will be more open to doing so.
This is a rare case, however. According to Forbes magazine, more then half of US workers are unhappy at their jobs. This was back when the economy was flourishing.
Are you clear about your long- and short-term goals? Are you aware of your purpose? Are you able to consciously check the progress of your goals or create an action plan? Unknowingly, you might be denying yourself a feeling of contentment.
You must first make sure you know what you want and what will make your life complete. Then, pay attention to how you are doing. You don’t have to abandon the plan if necessary. It would be much worse to wait until it is too late to make any adjustments.
Unliving a life that is true to you is one of the most regrettable things about your deathbed. This is a regret that you should not allow yourself to make. Stay true to your goals and understand them.
6. Practice Of Personal Integrity
This pillar is about whether we follow our own advice and live up to them – living in accordance with our values and with integrity. It is difficult to live with integrity in a competitive world. However, good things rarely come easily.
You will lose integrity if you live without it. Did you ever feel compelled to tell a lie and then not be able to believe it again? You might feel like an impostor if you don’t follow the example you set or believe in the same thing. These are all examples of internal conflict with your integrity views.
Be aware of your mistakes, honor your values and commitments, but forgive quickly. Never give up.
These are the six pillars that make up self-esteem. There are many books on self-esteem that you can read, but Nathaniel Branden is our favorite author. You can start by reading the six pillars and The Psychology of Self-Esteem.
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