40+ Best Michael Scott Quotes

Michael Scott

Know more about Michael Scott.

1.“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. -Wayne Gretzky” -Michael Scott


2. “That has sort of an oak-y afterbirth.” -Michael Scott


3. “I learned a while back that if I do not text 911, people do not return my calls. Um, but people always return my calls because they think that something horrible has happened.” -Michael Scott


4. “I’m an early bird and I’m a night owl so I’m wise and I have worms.” -Michael Scott


5. “It is St. Patrick’s Day. And here in Scranton, that is a huge deal. It is the closest that the Irish will ever get to Christmas.” -Michael Scott


6. “Presents are the best way to show how much you care. It’s a tangible thing you can point at and say, ‘Hey man, I love you. This many dollars worth.” -Michael Scott


7. “Where are the turtles?!” -Michael Scott


8. “You don’t know me, you’ve just seen my penis.” -Michael Scott


9. “You know what they say. Fool me once, strike one, but fool me twice…strike three.” -Michael Scott


10. “You cheated on me?….When I specifically asked you not to?” -Michael Scott


11. “I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.” -Michael Scott


12. “Sometimes I’ll start a sentence and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way.” -Michael Scott


13. “I have cause. It is because I hate him.” -Michael Scott


14. “That’s what she said.” -Michael Scott


15. “Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.” -Michael Scott


16. “Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject. So you know you are getting the best possible information.” -Michael Scott


17. “Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don’t know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I’ll hit somebody with my car. So sue me.” -Michael Scott


18. “If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice.” -Michael Scott


19. “I saved a life. My own. Am I a hero?… I really can’t say, but yes!” -Michael Scott


20. “No, I’m not going to tell them about the downsizing. If a patient has cancer, you don’t tell them.” -Michael Scott


21. “An office is not for dying. An office is a place for living life to the fullest, to the max, to… an office is a place where dreams come true.” -Michael Scott


22. “Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked, but it’s not like this compulsive need to be liked, like my need to be praised.” -Michael Scott


23. “Sometimes I’ll start a sentence, and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way.” -Michael Scott


24. “Do I have a special someone? Well, yeah, of course. A bunch of ’em. My employees.” -Michael Scott


25. “They say on your deathbed you never wish you spent more time at the office — but I will.” -Michael Scott


26. “Make friends first, make sales second, make love third. In no particular order.” -Michael Scott


27. “I love inside jokes. I hope to be a part of one someday.” -Michael Scott


28. “I’m an early bird and a night owl. So I’m wise and have worms.” -Michael Scott


29. “Well, it’s love at first sight. Actually, it was… no, it was when I heard her voice. It was love at first see with my ears.” -Michael Scott


30. “The most sacred thing I do is care and provide for my workers, my family. I give them money. I give them food. Not directly, but through the money.” -Michael Scott


31. “I wanna be married and have 100 kids so I can have 100 friends and no one can say ‘no’ to being my friend.” -Michael Scott


32. “I feel like all my kids grew up and then they married each other. It’s every parent’s dream.” -Michael Scott


33. “You know what they say ‘Fool me once, strike one, but fool me twice… strike three.” -Michael Scott


34. “I know it’s illegal in Pennsylvania, but it’s for charity, and I consider myself a great philanderer.” -Michael Scott


35. “Two queens at casino night. I am gonna drop a deuce on everybody.” -Michael Scott


36. “I don’t understand. We have a day honoring Martin Luther King, but he didn’t even work here.” -Michael Scott


37. “I’m not superstitious but I am a little stitious.” -Michael Scott


38. “Now, you may look around and see two groups here. White-collar, blue-collar. But I don’t see it that way. And you know why not? Because I am collar-blind.” -Michael Scott


39. “And I’m optimistic because every day I get a little more desperate.” -Michael Scott


40. “And I knew exactly what to do. But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do.” -Michael Scott


41. “The worst thing about prison was the dementors.” -Michael Scott


42. “There’s no such thing as an appropriate joke. That’s why it’s called a joke.” -Michael Scott

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