1. Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are.-Will Ferrell
2. I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.-David Bissonette
3. You can’t put a price tag on love, but you can on all its accessories.-Melanie Clark
4. My wife is really sentimental. One Valentine’s Day I gave her a ring and to this day she has never forgotten those three little words that were engraved inside — Made in Taiwan!-Leopold Fetchner
5. I love you. You annoy me more than I ever thought possible. But I want to spend every irritating minute with you.-Anonymous
6. I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.-Rita Rudner
7. Your words are my food, your breath my wine. You are everything to me.-Sarah Bernhardt
8. If you text ‘I love you’ to a person and the person writes back an emoji no matter what that emoji is, they don’t love you back.-Chelsea Peretti
9. Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.-George Burns