Fear of rejection anxiety of being rejected is one of the most fundamental human fears. Being biologically wired with a desire to be part of something, we worry about being judged in a negative manner. We’re concerned about the possibility of being shut out from our community, being criticized, or left out. We fear being alone. We dread change.
The level and intensity of fear differs for every individual, however there are some common elements at play. If we’re willing to examine at our own feeling of rejection? What are we truly afraid of?
On a mental level, we could be scared that rejection will confirm our biggest fear, perhaps that we’re not loved, that we’re going to be alone, or we’re not worth anything or have no worth. When these fears continue to swirl in our minds and we become stressed or anxious. We may also become depression. Cognitive-based therapies can assist us in identifying our destructive thoughts, ask them to reconsider to replace them by positive, rational thinking. If, for instance, the relationship doesn’t work, it does not mean we are failing.
From an experiential or existential perspective (such like Eugene Gendlin’s Focusing) Working to overcome our anxiety about rejection or rejection is about allowing ourselves to feel our feelings. If we can develop an easier, more accepting connection to the emotions that come up in us in response to being rejected, we are able to heal quicker and get on with our lives.
The main reason for your fear of rejection could be the fear of suffering pain and hurt. Aversion to painful events can trigger behaviors that do not benefit us. We stay away from people, instead of reaching out. We are reluctant to express our real emotions. We leave others behind before they are able to disapprove of us.
As humans, we want to be loved and accepted. It’s painful to be rejected and suffer loss. If our biggest fear manifests, if our frightful fantasies is realized and we’re rejected, our body is able to heal in the event that we trust in our body’s natural process of healing. It’s known as grieving. The way that life works is by inducing us to be humble and reminding us of the fact that we are part of our human nature.
If we are able recognize our self-criticisms, and the tendency to feel the guilt of feeling like a failure and accept our hurt because it’s there, then we begin to move towards healing. The pain we feel is heightened when we not only suffer from pain or grieving however, we believe that something is wrong with us because we are being in this state.
If we’re tempted to open our hearts to someone who doesn’t like us but it doesn’t need to mean an end in itself. We are able to feel sadness, loss and anxiety, loneliness, anger or any other feelings that come up as the result of grieving. As grieving and healing slowly occurs after someone close to us loses their life (often with the help of our friends) and we be healed when confronted by rejection. It is also possible to learn from our experiences that allows us to advance in a more confident manner.
I’m hoping I’m not making it seem easy or that we can heal on our own , without help. I’ve been in room with clients who’ve had a tragic loss and their expectations and hopes were abruptly destroyed, particularly when past memories were reactivated. The best way to deal with our feelings is to process our emotions with a compassionate, empathic therapist and having trusted companions who can listen instead of giving us a slew of unneeded suggestions.
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The phrase “personal growth” is often used in a loose sense, but one of its meanings is to develop your own self-sufficiency through acknowledging, and accepting the things you’re experiencing. It requires determination and creative thinking for bringing a soft awareness to things we might prefer to ignore.
When we are more confident of our ability to accept any experience that arises due to our connection with others, we will be able to begin, develop relationships and have fun with more ease and satisfying manner. When we are less scared of our inner experiences–that is, less fearful of ourselves–we are less scared by rejection, and more able in our ability to feel loved.