1. “We only got one shot at this. One chance. One win. You know? Vomit on your mom’s spaghetti, or whatever that talking singer says.” -Wayne
2. “Buddy you couldn’t wheel a f*ckin’ tire down a hill.” -Wayne
3. “I think you come in men enough for all of us.” -Wayne
4. “You’re made of spare parts, aren’t you, bud?” -Wayne
5. “And I suggest you let that one marinate.” -Wayne
6. “Does a duck with a boner drag weeds?” -Wayne
7. “Not my pig, not my farm.” -Wayne
8. “Oh, get off the cross, we need the wood.” -Wayne
9. “What’s up with your body hair, you big shoots? You look like a 12-year-old Dutch girl.” -Wayne
10. “Closest you’re gettin’ to any action this weekend is givin’ the dairy cow’s *eets a good scrubbin’.” -Wayne
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11. “You seen a ‘coon havin’ s*x with a barn cat on top of your truck? F*ck what’s the nature of that David Suzuki.” -Wayne
12. “It’s a hard life picking stones and pulin’ teats, but as sure as God’s got sandals, it beats fightin’ dudes with treasure trails.” -Wayne
13. “Your dad says guys with big trucks have little di*ks. And that makes sense cuz you want a real big truck and got a real little d**k.” -Wayne
14. “Oh, come on, kitten. I won’t tell anyone.” -Wayne
15. “Tim’s, McDonald’s, and the beer store are all closed on Christmas Day. And that’s your whole world right there.” -Wayne
16. “You wish there was a pied piper for possums. But there isn’t, so you’re just gonna have to keep picking ‘em off with a .22.” -Wayne
17. “If you have a problem with the majestic Canadian Goose, then you have a problem with me.” -Wayne
18. “You’d best be preparin’ for a Donny Brook if you think I’m going to that super soft birthday party of yours.” -Wayne
19. “If I was a Dr. Seuss book, I’d be The Fat in the Hat.” -Wayne
20. “Here’s a poem. Starlight, star bright, why the fuck you got earrings on? Bet your lobes ain’t the only thing that got a hole punched in ’em.” -Wayne
21. “Let’s go easy over there, Squirrelly Dan.” -Wayne
22. “We need backup, boys.” -Wayne
23. “You knew your pal had come into money when he started throwing out perfectly good pistachios like he was above cracking ‘em open with a box cutter like the rest of us.” -Wayne
24. “Yeah. Oh, hey, look at you, ground.” -Wayne
25. “Nice onesie. Does it come in men’s? -Wayne
26. “I wish you weren’t so fucking awkward, bud.” -Wayne
27. “Don’t forget to also check out these hilarious Waterboy quotes that will remind you that you can do it” -Wayne
28. “Where’s the sacrifice?” -Wayne
29. “Oh, c’mon, where’s your jam, bud?” -Reilly
30. “Where’s the sacrifice?” -Jonesy
31. “That was well brought up. Too bad you weren’t.” -Katy
32. “Well, I’d say give your balls a tug, but it looks like yer pants are doin’ it for ya.” -Wayne
33. “It’s like algebra…why you gotta put numbers and letters together? Why can’t you just go fuck yourself?” -Wayne
34. “You naturally care for a companionship, but I guess there’s a lot worse things than playing a little one-man couch hockey in the dark.” -Wayne
35. “I want to give back to the community by helping people find love.” -Wayne
36. “The world needs less Facebook and more Face-to-Face!” -Wayne
37. “Every woman knows that the way to a man’s heart is not through his zipper, it’s through his stomach.” -Wayne
38. “Oh I’m stomping the brakes, put that idea right through the fucking windshield.” -Wayne
39. “You’re a cup of baby carrots, ya fucking asshole.” -Wayne
40. “You’re pretty good at wrestlin’ there, Katy, and that’s what I appreciates about you.” -Wayne
41. “If I was a Dr. Seuss book, I’d be The Fat in the Hat.” -Katy
42. “You’re pretty good at wrestlin’ there, Katy, and that’s what I appreciates about you.” -Squirrelly Dan
43. “Call me a cake, ‘cause I’ll go straight to your ass, cowboy!” -Gail
44. “Closest you’re gettin’ to any action this weekend is givin’ the dairy cow’s teets a good scrubbin’.” -Wayne
45. “Your sister’s hot, Wayne! There I said it! I said it! I regret nothing! I regret nothing!” -Squirrelly Dan
46. “Well, there’s nothing better than a fart. Except for kids falling off bikes, maybe. Fuck, I could watch kids falling off bikes all day, I don’t give a fuck about your kids.” -Wayne
47. “Call me a cake, ‘cause I’ll go straight to your ass, cowboy!” -Wayne
48. “I see the muscle shirt came today. Muscles coming tomorrow? Did ya get a tracking number? Oh I hope he got a tracking number. That package is going to be smaller than the one you’re sportin’ now.” -Wayne
49. “Buddy you couldn’t wheel a fuckin’ tire down a hill.” -Wayne